Family Reunion
Introduction
Having dealt with Laban, Jacob continued toward his homeland knowing he would soon have to deal with the consequences of a bad decision he made twenty years earlier. The last time he saw his brother, Esau had vowed to kill Jacob after their father died.
At that time, Rebekah, Jacob’s mother, urged Jacob to flee to her brother Laban in Haran, only for “a few days, until his brother’s fury subsides” and then she would send for him (Genesis 27:44-45). Although Jacob remained with Laban for twenty years, he never received an “all clear” message from his mother; naturally, he assumed Esau still had murder on his mind, so Jacob had good reason to fear a confrontation with Esau.
Why didn’t Jacob just go around Esau’s territory and completely avoid a confrontation? It certainly was possible for Jacob to have done that. It was not a geographic necessity for Jacob to face Esau, it was a spiritual one. Jacob was driven by a heart issue; he had a spiritual need to reconcile with the brother he had wronged so many years before.
Think About This: Jacob’s need to set things right with his brother remind us of Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:23-24: “If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”
He came to a place and set up camp and the angels of God met him there (Genesis 32:1). Why? “Jacob’s sighting of the angels was visual confirmation of a deeper reality, namely, that Jacob had been and would continue to be the object of God’s relentless grace. An intrusive, tenacious, contending, renovating grace was at work on his life to make him to be the man that God intended him to be. This grace could not be shut out, would not let him go, and fought with him and for him at every turn.” (Hughes) So he named the place Mahanaim, which means double camps, or two camps.
I Come In Peace
Jacob sent men ahead of the caravan to find Esau and give him a message. They were to tell Esau that Jacob had spent the last twenty years with Laban and during that time, he had prospered. The idea was to let Esau know that Jacob was not returning to claim their father’s wealth, but he was returning in friendship. All he was seeking was Esau’s favor (Genesis 32:3-5).
But when the messengers returned, they told Jacob that Esau was coming with 400 men, presumably 400 fighting men, and Jacob was understandably afraid.
It is at this critical moment, we see Jacob turning to God in prayer. One commentator referred to it as a “foxhole prayer”: there was a sense of urgency and desperation. We begin to see a humility in Jacob that was not there before: “I am unworthy of all the lovingkindness and of all the faithfulness which Thou hast shown to Thy servant” (Genesis 32:10). This is far and away from his vow in Genesis 28:20-22, in which a much younger, scheming and self-confident version of himself actually made a bargain with God. It appears that during his sojourn in Paddan-aram, Jacob had experienced some spiritual growth after all.
He prepared gifts for Esau in an attempt to appease his brother’s anger, and he strategically staged them for maximum impact. The gifts went ahead of Jacob in three waves, and each time his men met Esau, they were to say, “These belong to your servant, Jacob; it is a present sent to my lord Esau. And behold, he is behind us” (Genesis 32:18). Jacob’s hope was that Esau’s anger would be diminished with each gift, and that by the time the two brothers met, Esau would accept Jacob. As Hughes says “For the first time in Jacob’s life, he wanted to be last!”
Under the darkness of night, Jacob took the women and children along with all that he owned to the other side of the stream where they would be safe, and then he returned to the camp alone (Genesis 32:22-23).
Night Terrors
In what was likely the darkest and loneliest night of his life, Jacob reflected on the events that had brought him to this point. And then this: “Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak” (Genesis 32:24). What’s that all about?
Jacob had to have been stunned and confused when this man came out of nowhere and began wrestling with him. He knew Esau was in front of him and Laban was behind him, and as he regained his wits, he probably thought he was in a physical battle with one of them. This was not a dream or a vision; it was an actual, physical battle.
What are we to make of this?
Who was the man with whom Jacob wrestled? Hosea tells us that Jacob “wrestled with the angel and prevailed” (Hosea 12:4). It is important to note that this was no ordinary angel, but it was The Angel of the Lord, or, the pre-incarnate Jesus Christ. There is further evidence in Genesis 32, verse 28 (“…for you have striven with God and with men and have prevailed”) and again in verse 30 (“I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been preserved.”)
How was it then that The Angel did not prevail? Notice that Scripture does not say that The Angel could not prevail, only that He did not prevail. I believe the best description of what happened here is actually an explanation of how instructors of martial arts deal with their students. The instructors deliberately hold back when sparring; that is, they restrict their techniques and limit their force. This allows a student to continue competing, rather than being quickly and pointlessly defeated. In the case of a more skilled student, an instructor may be “unable” to defeat that opponent using this limited approach. At that point, if they choose to do so, an instructor can stop holding back and end the fight. This seems to be exactly what The Angel chose to do with Jacob: deliver a sudden and crippling attack by dislocating his hip (Genesis 32:25). (Bible Ref).
At that point, why didn’t Jacob just give up? We know that quitting was not in Jacob’s nature. Even though he had to be in great pain, he held on to the man and refused to let him go. Somehow during this altercation, Jacob had come to understand that it was God with whom he was wrestling, and he had learned that the most important thing in life was to be blessed by God. So Jacob agreed to release the man only if He would bless him (Genesis 32:26).
Jacob receives a new name. Although He already knew the answer, the man asked Jacob what his name was. He simply answered, “Jacob”, which meant “to supplant (the supplanter), or to overreach”. Jacob had grown beyond that self-serving, deceiving and scheming man who deserved that name. Now, however, he was to be known as Israel, or, God preserves (Genesis 32:27-28).
Think About This: Israel is a gender-neutral name of Hebrew origin, and is becoming a popular name for babies in the United States. Israel is used for both boys and girls and can be shortened to Izzy or Rae as an endearing nickname. (The Bump)
This unusual and baffling story is contained in only five verses in Genesis 32. What are we meant to learn from it?
My favorite summary comes from J. Vernon McGee who says, “What happens now? Jacob is just holding on; he’s not wrestling. He is just holding on to this One. He found out that you do not get anywhere with God by struggling and resisting. The only way that you get anywhere with Him is by yielding and just holding on to Him. My friend, when you get in that condition, then you trust God. When you are willing to hold on, He is there ready to help you.”
The Long Awaited Reunion
After what had to be a long and sleepless night, Jacob greeted the dawn knowing he would soon see his brother for the first time in at least twenty years. Genesis 33:1 tells us, “Then Jacob lifted his eyes and looked, and behold, Esau was coming, and four hundred men with him.”
When I read this, I can’t help but picture the scene that appears in every western I’ve ever watched, where the Indians line up on a mountain ridge above the white men in the valley. Their faces are painted, they are hooting and hollering, and shaking their fists which hold spears with feathers tied to them. The mere sight of them terrorized the settlers who, in spite of being outnumbered 100 to 1, and taking massive casualties, miraculously managed to prevail over the Indians. But, I digress.
I think Jacob probably felt that kind of dread right down to his toes as he approached Esau, bowing down seven times as he drew near (Genesis 33:3), knowing those 400 fighting men could be on him within seconds with just a simple gesture from Esau.
Think About This: It is ironic that the blessing of the firstborn as given in Genesis 27:29 is exactly the opposite of the action we see Jacob taking here in Genesis 33:3.
Jacob did not expect what happened next. Esau ran out to meet him and the two brothers embraced. He was so gobsmacked by Esau’s apparent forgiveness toward him, it is evident he had never actually considered forgiveness as a real possibility. Jacob had been willing to accept as a victory any reaction on Esau’s part that did not involve his murder. Esau had forgiven the hurt his brother had caused and his invitation to Jacob to follow him to Seir was an indication that he also desired a reconciliation. But aren’t forgiveness and reconciliation the same thing?
Forgiveness or Reconciliation
Forgiveness is defined as the conscious and deliberate decision to give up one’s justified right for revenge against someone who has wronged him. Reconciliation is the restoration of the relationship that was broken by the wrong that was committed. One person can forgive; it takes two to reconcile.
Forgiveness is a spiritual act which means that ultimately, we must rely on God’s grace to accomplish it. But even though one may forgive the wrong, the hurt may have been so great that it just isn’t possible to restore the relationship that once existed. In such a case, forgiveness means the injured party no longer carries the burden of needing to take revenge; they choose to let it go, release themselves from the past and turn the page to begin again.
It is difficult for a deceiver like Jacob to fully trust someone else. Even though Esau was the very picture of gracious forgiveness, and wished for Jacob to live near him in Seir, perhaps Jacob would always fear that his brother’s anger would be rekindled and not only his life but the lives of his loved ones could be in danger.
So Jacob and Esau eventually parted ways and came together again only at the burial of their father. We will talk about Jacob’s travels in our next lesson.
Think About It, Talk About It
Why was it necessary for Jacob to meet Esau face-to-face when he could have easily gone around Esau’s territory and avoided the situation all together? What does this show us about Jacob’s spiritual growth?
What is the main lesson we are to learn from Jacob’s wrestling match with God? Why do you think God changed Jacob’s name to Israel and how did the new name reflect Jacob’s spiritual condition?
What are the differences between forgiveness and reconciliation? Why does it take two to reconcile? Can reconciliation be accomplished where there is no forgiveness?
Sources
Deffinbaugh, Bob: How to Win with God and Men from the series From Paradise to Patriarchs (www.bible.org)
Hunter, Gregg: Forgiven but not Reconciled (www.forthowardcc.com)
Hughes, R. Kent: Preaching the Word-Genesis (Crossway Books)
Kidner, Derek: Genesis-An Introduction and Commentary (InterVarsity Press, 1975)
McGee, J. Vernon: Thru the Bible with J. Vernon McGee (Thomas Nelson, Inc.)
Meehan, Allison: Baby Names – Israel (www.thebump.com)
Pascoe, Roger: When the Sun Finally Rises: Wrestling with the Past
What Does Genesis 32:25 Mean? (www.bibleref.org)
Wright, Vinita Hampton: Two Differences Between Forgiveness and Reconciliation (www.ignatianspirituality.com)